Because I’m a tride-and-true “Scene Unseen” reporter, I walked down to the local pharmacy yesterday and purchased TWO NEW candy items from the Mars company, both linked to the upcoming cinematic masterpiece, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Here are my reviews:

“M&M’s Strawberried Peanut Butter” - Horrible. Disgusting. Moments after popping a few of these shelled atrocities, I thought about ending it all. I felt ashamed and betrayed. “Strawberried Peanut Butter?!” What’s wrong with “Strawberried Chocolate?”  

And this is coming from a guy who puts peanut butter on anything that moves! Avoid this sugar splurge at all costs.  For my Pulitzer Prize-winning review of the “Snickers Nougabot Bar,” kindly follow the jump below…

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Do the good people of America really need to be reminded of yet another shitty horror remake’s DVD release when they’re trying to enjoy a shot of Patron at 10:30 am?

I think not.

However, if you’re one of those horror fiends that can’t wait to get their bloody mitts on the “Extended Killer Cut,” it drops tomorrow.